Funny Retirement Quotes
A wise man once said, "....
Oh wait, that's not why you're here is it? You actually need a wisecrack for your retirement speech. Well, go ahead and pinch one of the funny retirement quotes below:
Check out a sample retirement speech here.
Humorous quotes about money:
- “The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.” George Foreman
- “When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” Chi Chi Rodriguez
- “Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” Gene Perret
- “Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.” Author Unknown
- “Today more people believe in UFOs than believe that Social Security will take care of their retirement.” Scott Cook
advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your
annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.” Voltaire
Comparisons with Work Life:
- “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” Abe Lemons
- “There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.” Peter F. Drucker
- “Retired is being twice tired, I've thought;
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.” Richard Armour
- “The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” Author Unknown
- “Retirement: World's longest coffee break”. Author Unknown
- “Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” Gene Perret
- “When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” Gene Perret
I want to show how clever I am with a funny poem here.
- "Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did." Malcolm Forbes
can enjoy a vacation as well as the next person, as long as I know it's
a vacation and not a premature retirement.” Mary Crosby
- “When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” Gail Sheehy
a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his
colleagues generally present him with a watch.” R.C. Sherriff
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Other funny retirement quotes:
- “There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress,
my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.” Hartman Jule
- “Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever." Gene Perret
- “Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.” Gene Perret
- “If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.” Doug Larson
- “Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.” Ambrose Bierce
knows whether in retirement I shall be tempted to the last infirmity of
mundane minds, which is to write a book.” Geoffrey Fisher
- “I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box.” Bette Davis
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