Some notes: Pulling off a funny farewell speech is all in the timing and delivery.
Be droll, be wry or be self-deprecating, but try not to be sarcastic.
Keep your delivery natural and not focussed on getting the laughs! At least you can seem clever even if you don't get the response you were hoping for.
Note the words in [square brackets] are just suggestions and not part of the speech. Happy writing!
There are more words you can steal from letters too!
thank you for the lovely card and gift, I’m sure every time I look at
them I will be reminded of how all my hard work got me this one reward.
For those of you who don't know, I am moving to Whatsisplace and have accepted a job that allows me to be closer to home.
I am going to miss working with Whatsaname, who showed me whatsisskills, and no doubt
when I go to Whatsiscompany I will be claiming that knowledge as my own with no
credit to them.
I especially want to say that my brilliance here could only have come at the cost of Whatstheirnames’s sanity and hard work propping me up. I learned so much and now that I’m leaving, have no use for it anymore. I will always remember you and I know that you will remember me every time you get a headache.
I have found working here to be inspiring. When I first arrived, the business was just starting a new whatsisidea, and since I’ve been here the place has grown and we are now doing whatsisconcept. So its been great being a part of that dynamism, and forward momentum. I hope that my new workplace will be as interesting. I have learned to try to think bigger and involve others outside of my trade or group when it comes to problem-solving, and have had fun with the resulting creative energy here.
I am going to miss the rainforest in Whatshernames’s cubicle, the groove in the carpet from Whatshisnames’s desk to the hot water urn, and smoking out the back with Whatsanothername– we are the smoking outcasts and although I am leaving, you are not alone, Sister.
I hope that you guys manage to crack the year-end target, no doubt you are capable of that and more, but I really hope that you guys enjoy the rest of your time here as much as I did.
So thank you for everything, and please don't hesitate to punish my slackness here by torturing me at Whatsiscompany every time you need whatsisservice."
Work is never done!
You've got to organise your auto-reply email next!
I am so amazed and surprised at the turnout for this event - I feel like one of those people chosen for sacrifice and are honored with celebration before it!
I would like to take this opportunity to get as many bad jokes in as I can, so that everyone will feel immense relief at my leaving, so here are some I prepared earlier...
[pull out a very large sheet of paper with tiny writing so people get the impression it will be a very long speech - but it won't be, will it! Then add some bad jokes, for example:]
Hopefully this speech will put off anyone leaving as they will have this act to follow, very daunting (I'll get a kickback from HR when I walk out the door, maybe up the backside).
Anyway, my time here has felt very short, because it passed so quick, because I never had a bad day here. Some days were stressful, but they were never bad. I was glad to wake up in the morning and get high on donuts before facing the 9am meeting, I think that may have been a part of it. But it is true, I never had a bad day. Ok maybe this group may have been a part of that magic. Am I getting sentimental? Time for another bad joke [make a bad joke or pun].
Thank you for being here, and for being part of my life here - everyone has made a difference, especially the small kindnesses like:
It's actually all the small things that add up to a wonderful community that we are. I'm sorry to leave. And so glad I've met you.
Thank you! [Deep bow]."
Actually it's not the speech that worries me,
just the awkwardness!