Managerial Farewell Speech Guide

for whom the bells toll!

Every boss at some stage will give a farewell speech, on behalf of the company, to an employee leaving...

and this is unfortunate for some.

So...use the strict speech guide below for what you allow your boss to say.
This going away speech fiasco is your opportunity to Manage Up.
Don't let them waffle your cake-eating time away!

This speech guide, when strictly used, should result in a speech that is less than 5 minutes.
If your manager feels that this is not enough time to express appreciation, then this is Too Bad!
Another 5 or 10 minutes of benevolent prating will not give back that employee's blood and sweat.
Instead, your boss should show real love with a decent bonus or a real gold watch.

Print out this page for the boss' desk or email the link.

There are nicer instructions here, if you can't give your boss this unsubtle page.

Now for the actual Speech Guide...


  • Goodbye speeches should be less than 5 minutes.
    More appreciation is expressed in a thoughtful gift and a good referral. Even better if you gave good bonuses during their time there.

  • If you wish to customise this speech you can only substitute words; do not add sentences.

    It is scientifically proven* that any farewell speech by management longer than 5 minutes incites theft, despair and alcoholism.

1. Get attention (introduction).

"I just want to say a few words to express the company's appreciation for the time John has spent with us."

2. A short description of the employee.

"Jane has spent X years with us, and in that time she has distinguished herself with her diligence/humour/drive/??? in the workplace. Her work in the X Project has resulted in X which I hope inspires others in what can be achieved. Of course, she will also be remembered for the every day things, such as [insert ONE positive character description here]."

3. Talk about the impact of their leaving.

"John's moving on to bigger and brighter things will leave a gaping hole in the organisation. While he has put in place some amazing ideas that will stay after he leaves, it will be a challenge to fill that hole. Nonetheless, when I look around at the faces in this room, I see other talented people and a great team culture - of which John was a part - and no doubt we will be able to soldier on."

4. Final wish farewell.

"I hope you have all the best prosperity and fulfillment in your future endeavours. There is no doubt you'll make a success of future opportunities as you have here. These words and gift are just a small expression of our appreciation for your work and time here. So farewell, and good luck."

While saying the last sentence, present the gift, shake their hand and MOVE AWAY, out of the limelight.

*not scientifically proven.

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