Move On From That Sad Goodbye

After the sad goodbye, that special person has left.

With only echoes of those sad farewells, how do you cope with missing him or her?

It comes down to doing two simple things:

  • keeping busy, and/or
  • surrounding yourself with the living - people, pets or plants.

When we "lose" a connection, we grieve. "Too much" grief (whatever that means to you) can lead to depression and illness.  Now, depression and illness are valid human experiences, however if we have already experienced these, we are not gaining anything from going through it again.   We need to make a new connection - one that does not "replace" but that will help us bring ourselves back to ourselves, as grieving about someone takes us away from ourselves.   Life still needs to be lived, even if it is just going through the motions to begin with.

Making a new connection is as simple as sitting on a park bench and saying hello to someone.  Do this regularly enough, and a connection is made.  This connection does not have to be deep or consuming or meant to fill a void - you can always set your boundaries too - it is just a means of knowing that your hello is a gift to someone just as their reply is a validation for you.

Side note:  making a new connection with people does not mean getting over-involved in their business, especially if they haven't asked for it.  This is unhealthy re-attaching rather than connecting.  You do not have to "fix" other people or their lives to feel like you have purpose or that you matter. That can only come from being rather than doing. 

It can mean getting a pet, or working in your garden - new life, which is just what you need, and are forms of giving and receiving love.

And of course, at a deeper level, this just means giving and receiving love to yourself.  Self-care, self-care, self-care.  Sleep more, take long baths, binge-watch TV, eat healthy foods, indulge in chocolate, play sport; anything self-nurturing.  Take some You Time.  Make a connection with yourself.

You may find that you are inspired to do something new - which helps with the "keeping busy" part, and your ideas will give you energy and excitement to move forward again.

If you feel "lost" or lacking "purpose", then you are on the path of trying to find the thing that rewards you.  Thinking back to when you were a child, what did you love doing?  That is a start.

Below are some ideas to help get you moving forward, to make connections (in real life or virtual) and create something with your time, and hopefully the resulting rewarding feelings will let you know that you are on the right path.  If not, then try something else!

1. Go back to school.
Learn some new skills.
Meet other people who want to learn the same things.
Can't think of something? How about a language? Art classes? Dance? Carpentry?
Look for any adult classes in your area.

The most fulfilling study, though, comes from personal development.  Read up on psychology, self-help and understand your patterns and reactions.  This will also help with the fear of change and your own grief.  It will help you with forgiveness and healing.  Go to seminars to meet like-minded people and be mindful that you are not there to become devoted to any "guru" (this is unhealthy re-attachment and projection of all your good qualities onto the guru rather than appreciating yourself and your experiences).  Your new skills are for the next phase of your life, not living it for other people.

2. Teach.
If you have some skills that you're keen to share, find out if you can bring these to any institution that offers workshops.
People want to learn what you have to show them!
You don't necessarily have to be qualified to teach to do this - but find out.
If you live in a small town, you would be benefitting the community.

3. Volunteer.

Ever wanted to be a vet, but you're not? Help the local lost animals home. Want to save the environment? Find your local green group.  Is there an ugly patch of land in your neighbourhood?  Do some gardening work there, you might be surprised at the attention you get!

Volunteering will help you to meet people from walks of life that you may not ordinarily come across.
You will also be doing work that is much needed and valued.

4. Travel.
Go on long road trip in a caravan with a couple of friends or your partner.
Take a few months off to explore your region, or even the region of the person that has left, stopping in to see them on the way.
Or go somewhere exotic for a little while, get out of your comfort zone and get some strange experiences!
You will get new ideas for your life, and when you get home you can tackle these projects.

5. Start a business working from home.

For example, offer a phone answering service or sell things on eBay.
Start your own website - there are subscription programmes like Solo Build It! if you want to treat your site like a business.
Read about how SBI! was used for this site and why.

6. Join a club, sports group or society; or start one up.

Clubs, sports groups and societies are a great way to meet people with common interests.
These are structured ways to socialise, or learn to socialise, as they are likely to be activity-based.

This way, shy people don't have to feel awkward as there is usually something to do during club meetings that take the pressure off making aquaintances.

Whatever you have ever wanted to do,

you should pursue it now!

Don't wait!

A sad goodbye is a healthy release of an attachment,

freeing you to move onto something for you.

Easy for you to say! 

I can't stop thinking about them...

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